Monday, December 21, 2009

25. Then there was nothing.

So, the climate talks in Copenhagen was a total failure, and nobody is even acting surprised. It makes me think it was just one Hell of an expensive show for me and you - the regular world citizen - to make us believe our rulers actually care. Maybe we should have spent that money on windmills instead.

Monday, December 14, 2009

24. Grateful for nothing.

Here, in the story, it's still summer. Not so outside my window, where snow is piling up. Nice Christmas-present for the kids, I guess, but torture for their parents' backs. So, these days, I'm grateful for owning neither a car nor a snow shovel.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

23. On insanities.

Do you know where your insanity is located? We've all got one. Some bigger than others, for sure, but we've all got one. Whatever size yours is, remember to let it out once in a while. Insanities have a tendency to grow if they're locked up for too long.

Friday, November 13, 2009

22. On bottled messages.

I suppose the most expensive version of a message in a bottle is NASA's Voyager-program. In 1977 they sent two unmanned crafts into space, containing disks which presented Earth, it's inhabitants, and their culture - meant as a greeting to other lifeforms out there. Maybe one day they'll come down from the heavens and save us from ourselves.

Wait a minute. I'm sort of preaching Scientology here... Does this mean I've become a victim of some new and ingenious, remote brain-washing techniques?...

Damn you, Tom Cruise!

Saturday, October 31, 2009

21. The crazy screams of seagulls.

It used to be a part of the soundtrack at the shore - the crazy screams of seagulls. These days, the bird who hates eating alone has become rare in its natural habitat. If you want to see a flock of gulls these days, you go to their new habitat the garbage dump. Chances are, as an extra bonus you will also meet upon a few of the rats living there, but still...

Seagulls or not, I prefer the shore.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

20. Warning: Contains bad jokes!

If this made you laugh, you may very well be stoned. Or drunk. Or both. Always aiming to please, I'm gonna tell you an old joke that I'm quite sure will bring another smile to your face, at the very least. IF you're stoned. Or drunk. Or both.

"There once was this guy who stranded on a deserted island. There were no other humans there, but loads of camels, so the castaway didn't have to worry about starvation. And in the beginning, his right hand took care of his sexual needs, but after a few weeks he got tired of masturbating and decided to fuck a camel.

The animals were used to him, and he could move close to one without problems. They were tall beasts though, so he had to dig up a pile of sand behind it to stand on. This spooked the camel into running away. The dude sighed, zipped his pants, and moved towards another camel. One month later, the small island was full of sand piles, and the castaway had the bluest balls in modern history.

Then, one fine day, a skimpily clad, beautiful babe floated ashore on his island. The castaway had never been happier. Finally he had someone who could hold the camels."

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

19. The stoner version.

While writing the pages where the two guys above appear, I didn't know what they looked like. I still don't know their names - to me they are Fat Festival Goer and Skinny Festival Goer. Then, starting sketching, I realized I could use these two characters as a homage to a couple of my childhood heroes. Not portraits, or even caricatures, but still with a certain likeness. That's what I aimed for, anyway. You may have already guessed who they are.

When I was growing up, TV had no color. You've probably heard of this, maybe you have considered it another urban legend, but it was true. Also, we were used to it. There were colors in the movie theater, but the TV-picture was gray. This meant that the NRK, Norway's sole television broadcaster in those days, could buy old movies, silent and not so silent, and probably cheap, to entertain us kids with. And a lot of grown-ups as well. There was just one channel to choose from, after all. Among these oldies were films by my personal favorites back then: Harold Lloyd, Buster Keaton, and, as kind of seen above, Laurel & Hardy.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

18. The perfect hunter.

Here in Norway, a rather original threat to the environment has revealed itself - the domestic cat. There's around half a million of them( to a human population of 4.7 million), and, though domesticated, they're still passionate and terrific hunters. They kill around five million birds a year, and now scientists also fear for rare amphibians and snakes. Basically, any animal smaller than itself, as with most predators, is considered prey.

But, before the cat-hunt starts, I hope they try to figure out just how many rats our tiny tigers kill each year. Somebody's going to have to take over their job.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

17. The end is near.

Ah. The movie I was talking about the other day--- It's actually coming. In November. It's called 2012, and you can see a trailer for it here. Looks pretty kool, and John Cusack usually picks good scripts. 2012 is the year the Mayans and Sumerians have predicted the end of the world, as I'm sure you know. I did not know about this movie until today, though, but now I feel a bit safer, for since when was Hollywood able to predict the future?...

If the movie will be a big hit in the Philippines, which was just hit by yet another typhoon, is doubtful.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

16. Dangerous times.

These days, it's probably not just me who feel like they're an extra in a huge and expensive Hollywood production of Mankind's Last Days. The earthquakes and tsunami in the south seas. Every day a new natural or man-made disaster. Or both. And us extras watch the news with shocked expressions, not knowing the plot twist that is going to bring on the happy ending everybody expects.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

15. The wrath of the sky demons.

The People's story continues.

I was also planning yet another praise of bad weather, but, out of respect for the people in the Philippines, I'll shut up. http://article.wn.com/view/2009/09/26/Thousands_flee_heavy_Philippines_rain_flooding/

Monday, September 28, 2009

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

12. A dark and stormy night.

Personally, I love thunder storms, and have experienced a couple of great ones. A few weeks ago, me and a buddy was out at his family's cabin, on a small local island called Merdø. It was raining, which means good fishing, but the wind made sure we never got to that. The ocean was white with foamy waves, and it was raining horizontally. And speaking of horizons - since the next piece of land is Denmark, we had an IMAX-view of nature's spectacular fireworks. All along the night sky, electric bolts shot from low, dark clouds... Really kool. And wet. And cold. But mainly really kool.

The next time a storm passes by where you live - not counting Floridians, and folks in other places where bad weather can throw tonnage around - don't just sit inside with your TV unplugged. Get out there and experience it!

Oh, by the way... Wear something waterproof.

Monday, September 7, 2009

11. Pin Cushion Hills.

This painting has taken me over a week to finish, which is long enough, but I could have worked on it for a year. Could have continued adding details - branches on every tree, ripples on the water... It is difficult to stop while doing analog painting as well, but your eyes and brush sizes eventually stops you. In a digital painting you can zoom in, zoom in more, and then zoom in again. Without self control, you'll be working on one tree for a week, and this thing has hundreds.

So, at some point you'll have to stop and say: It is done. Which I just did.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

10. Landscape with dead woolly mammoth.

Exactly how the woolly mammoth got extinct is one of the mysteries of our prehistory. It may have perished as the climate got warmer, or maybe man killed it off. As we do. Whatever happened, we couldn't have co-existed for long anyway. Having large quantities of ivory growing out of your face is not a good thing, not with humans around.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

8. No new news.

It's not exactly a new question, but not one of the eternal ones either. Here it is anyway: Why do people, who spend 99,9 per cent of their time driving on blacktop, keep buying cars which only really work in rough terrain?

Saturday, August 8, 2009

7. Saluting the frisbee.

In my humble opinion, the frisbee is the greatest thing to come out of the environmental disaster the material plastic has proved to be. It's one of those rarities which are both cheap, fun, and good for you.

Friday, August 7, 2009

6. Ratatat.

Usually at festivals you get a few positive surprises. My biggest one at this years Hove was Ratatat - an electronica duo from Brooklyn, New York. Check them out here( Wildcat is one of my personal favorites, by the way): http://www.myspace.com/ratatatmusic

And just so it's mentioned - no dead bodies were found at the festival. As far as I know...

Thursday, August 6, 2009

5. Entrance.

I can't say I've been denied entrance to restaurants too many times in my life, but there's been a few. A couple of times for being intoxicated. Some times for not wearing shoes, or the wrong shoes or pants, or both. And once, at a roller disco in the late seventies, for wearing a plastic skeleton with glowing red eyes attached to the zipper of my pants.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

4. Crows conversing.

I'm not sure if you know this, but around sunrise every day the crows living in any given area gathers. I don't know why, or what they talk about. When you spot them during daytime, they're usually one or two, but not at the gathering. It's called a murder.

A few years ago, on my way home from a long night of Playstation-worship - GTA being the gospel of choice - I came across one of these gatherings. I heard weird noises first, cawing I suppose, before all went silent, and I saw them. There were tall trees on both sides of the street, and their spring-naked branches were filled with crows.

All staring at me.

As I walked past them, their eyes, occasionally glinting in the street-lights, followed me. And when I looked back, before rounding a corner, they were still staring in my direction. I can still dig up the creepy feeling of hundreds of crow-stares between my shoulder-blades, any time. Like now. And I'm pretty sure I interrupted something important that morning... So, if crows suddenly take over the world, I won't be the least surprised.

Monday, August 3, 2009

3. The death of the birds.

Right now, a warning should be issued to the local sea-birds as well. Do not land on the ocean!

On Friday, the tanker Full City wrecked outside Langesund in Telemark, and its oil-spill is moving along the coast of Southern Norway like an ugly, dirty, gigantic monster. Thousands of beautiful beaches, fjords and islands are threatened by the man-drilled creature - helpless birds dying slowly in its wake.

As usual, instead of adressing the real problem, the authorities charge the captain. What we need is alternative fuel, you lazy bastards! As a country, we're richer than most because of the oil, so we have a special duty to do something here!

Man, I should've been king...

Saturday, August 1, 2009

2. Conversing with crows.

I once knew a one-legged talking crow. His name was Kalle Kra - in English that would be Charlie Caw, or something - and, being the polite bird he was, he usually presented himself when you met him. Every kid in the neighborhood knew and fed Kalle, and he had full amnesty from the evil that lurks in the hearts of boys.

If only our planet's many endangered species could learn a few words. For most of the big ones, "Please don't shoot!" would do nicely.

1. Departure.

The journey that begins here, possibly not too far from my own home, is both long and weird. You'll visit places real and imagined, presented in different forms of story-telling and visuals. Passports will not be required.