Beyond A Travelogue

119. The island III.

2012-02-09T07:18:00.000+01:00

More images from Merdø.

Merdø at sunset, seen from Hove.

118. The island II.

2012-02-08T05:52:00.001+01:00

All photos shot on Merdø - a local island, and one of my favorite places.

117. The island.

2012-01-29T17:43:00.000+01:00

To be continued...

116. Learning to fly.

2012-01-25T01:18:00.002+01:00

Today, a double feature, with new pages from the Pia Zawa-story, and another piece from its soundtrack Funky Muzak.

Model: Mimoza Hasani.

Dead Eurasian siskin photographed by Rikke Norby.

Learning To Fly by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers.

To be continued...

115. In the dark.

2012-01-20T02:45:00.001+01:00

To be continued...

114. The Grand Escape.

2012-01-17T21:47:00.000+01:00

If you haven't read the first pages of Two Deaths For Odin yet, you'll find them here: http://beyondatravelogue.blogspot.com/2011/11/104-story-so-far.html

To be continued...

113. Late Night Grande Hotel.

2012-01-07T01:53:00.000+01:00

Model: Mimoza Hasani.

Late Night Grande Hotel by Nanci Griffith.

Next: Pia Zawa: Two Deaths For Odin continues.

112. On The Road Again.

2012-01-03T05:37:00.001+01:00

Model: Rikke Norby.

On The Road Again with Katie Melua.

This is my first finished work of 2012, and therefore also the first time I've put '12 behind my signature. Some think this is mankind's last year, others figure the Mayans just ran out of space while writing their now famous calendar. Guess we'll see in December. In the meantime, let's all try to live this year like it's the last one. You know, just in case...

Happy new year!

111. Urbanburg By Night.

2011-12-30T03:12:00.003+01:00

Model: Rikke Norby.

Urbanburg By Night - a remix of The Beat Tornados' Theme From Pia Zawa - by LineUp.

110. The making of.

2011-12-28T23:15:00.001+01:00

It's while making an image like Smooth Criminal I get the full reward for the times I drag my Nikon around with me. This collage was made out of pieces from close to forty images.

This is the official version.

Below, the unofficial one, accompanied by Alien Ant Farm's sort of classic and rather splendid version of Smooth Criminal. And the video is also very funny, (unless they don't show Michal Jackson videos on your planet, which I'm quite certain they do).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CDl9ZMfj6aE

109. Smooth Criminal.

2011-12-13T18:00:00.007+01:00

In spite of all deadlines, I just had to see this one finished.

Mimoza Hasani's photos taken at Topp Studio, Arendal.

Smooth Criminal with 2 Cellos.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jjOQac1vOEc

If this is a fairy tale - and who am I to say it isn't - this is what happens when "happily ever after" is over. It's an epilogue to the classic fairy tale love story. An abusive Prince Charming leaves a bankrupt kingdom (or, in this case, a hotel in the same state), and a Disney-like princess, for easy money and easier women.

Next: The making of this image, plus an alternate version.

108. More hours wanted.

2011-12-05T13:01:00.000+01:00

Did another photo-shoot yesterday, for the Funky Muzak side-project. Both this, and the Pia Zawa graphic novel, will have to chill for a while though. Until Wolf's Blues, my movie project, reaches the silver screen, it will always have first chair, and the wolves now require my full attention for a few weeks. I also have a commissioned poster with a "before Christmas" deadline. In other words - Pia Zawa and Funky Muzak will be back some time around the holidays.

In the meantime - here's a couple of portraits of lovely Mimoza Hasani, from yesterday's studio shoot.

107. Painting the town, part 3.

2011-12-03T14:26:00.001+01:00

106. Painting the town, part 2.

2011-11-24T19:49:00.001+01:00

105. Painting the town, part 1.

2011-11-21T01:04:00.000+01:00

The illustration is from The Grand Escape, the next chapter of the ongoing Pia Zawa story.

To be continued...

104. The story so far.

2011-11-14T20:05:00.002+01:00

Because of some changes since I started publishing the new Pia Zawa, below you'll find the whole thing, including two new pages, the end of Part 1: Roadkill.

103. Jingle bells.

2011-11-11T04:56:00.000+01:00

102. Urban cowgirls.

2011-11-09T01:50:00.000+01:00

To be continued...

Because the shop clerk grew tired of Christmas music weeks ago, the song playing on the hat shop's stereo is a chill version of Canned Heat's On The Road Again with Katie Melua.

101. The War of the Subtitles.

2011-11-07T03:31:00.002+01:00

Back again. And again. And probably again, but that'll be the future's problem.

During these last lost weeks I've done some rewrites and stuff on the Wolf's Blues animated movie project. It's still moving forward, even though it currently seems to be going at a snail's pace.

Wulf Greybones and his favorite dish/arch enemy The Moose - sketch from Wolf's Blues.

I've met a flu I didn't like, entertained a bunch of kids with live cartooning, fucked up my back and finally fixed it by changing the chair I work in, and done the first in a series of commissioned posters. You'll see it when it's approved by the customer.

But on the side, I've scripted most of the Pia Zawa story. There will be some tweeking along the way though. I already know a few scenes that will change, dialogue that needs my attention - but the main structure's there. Except for the epilogue. I want to keep this unwritten, like a little surprise for myself, while I draw and color the rest of the 144 pages. Yes, this is a big one.

While I've been working on the story, it has been pointed out to me (by myself) that the story needs a subtitle. Pia Zawa and the Something Or Other. There are other Pia Zawa publications out there which it may now be confused with. So...

This is the story of Pia's first investigation - she'll later become a private investigator - and an obvious choice for a title could be...

Am I the only one getting a whiff of X-men: First Class? Maybe the subtitle could point to the fact that the whole thing takes place during one Christmas?

Or...

But I do like my titles to be a bit more cryptic. I run through a bunch of them, before finally settling on the one below. Which is now the official title of this restart of the Pia Zawa series.

This, in classic crime tradition, is a title which won't make total sense to you until the last chapter, which you'll find on the freshly edited contents page. It may contain spoilers, I guess.

Finally, back to the story, and the pages I finished today. Yes, you've caught up with me. Last time you read, the police officers Chris and Jurgen were involved in a wild car-chase through the streets of Urbanburg, on the heels of a Bugatti with diplomatic plates.

It's still in the lead.

Next: Urban cowgirls.

100. Urbanburg by night.

2011-10-14T07:51:00.004+02:00

Let's start the celebration of Travelogue #100 with some fireworks.

Okay, I've cheated a bit here. This photo's from New Year's Eve here in my hometown. But I did go on a photo-shoot yesterday, for the next picture in the Funky Muzak-series. We'll get to that - first, a new tune for the same soundtrack. This one, or the first version of it, was made for Pia Zawa Cafè in Oslo (2003) by LineUp, and is a remix of The Beat Tornados' number Theme From Pia Zawa - which was made for the show Pia Zawa Live (1996).

Me and LineUp, alias Ketil Christensen, at Pia Zawa Cafè.

Photo: Kristin Ellefsen.

Here it is, Urbanburg By Night by LineUp. Play and read...

To be continued...

And now, back to Funky Muzak, and yesterday's shoot with Rikke Norby.

Just like the playlist at Pia Zawa Cafè, there will be a lot of cool cover versions in the collection. And, since I don't really feel like trying to get the rights from The Artist And Symbol Formerly And Currently Known As Prince, this rather funky Chaka Khan version of Sign O' The Times will do nicely, thank you.

She walks away, not looking back. What images flashes behind those green eyes? There is a back-story to this image, and probably a violent one. Whatever it is, it's a mystery to everyone but the girl. In the first sketches for this piece, I had placed obvious clues to what had happened. I won't show you these, as it would ruin the mystery. But I will plant a few ideas in your head.

So, what could have happened?

Maybe she's just a believer in an old Apache tradition? When somebody died, to avoid the low feelings of greed and envy over heritage, all of the deceased's belongings were burned. Many in-family feuds could be avoided if we took up this practice...

Or--

I start to think about an axe-murder which happened in my neighborhood when I was a pup. Story was, what us kids heard, anyway, that a guy had killed his wife because she wouldn't come down to watch the news with him. This is supposedly the motive he gave the police. When you're a kid, and your neighborhood isn't exactly Beirut, a story like this one is exciting. We discussed the lunatic axe-murderer often, after riding our bikes past the crime scene. Later, I've thought about what terrible abuse, what hell his wife must have gone through before the axe came out.

Maybe that's her in the above image, in a different reality, having acted before it was too late. Perhaps she put sleeping pills in his dinner, tied him to the bed, and lit the house on fire. Or she took a self-defense class behind the husband's back, so when his murderous attack happened, she simply took the axe away from him... And placed it in his skull. Before she lit the fire. Norwegian wood burns nicely, just ask The Beatles. Or it's something entirely different. In fact, forget my theories - then look at the image again and make up your own story.

Sorry I spoke.

99. Smooth cellos.

2011-10-07T02:54:00.000+02:00

Before we finish up the Pia Zawa-prologue, here's some more music.

Smooth Criminal is, as I'm sure you know, a Michael Jackson song, but the chosen cover-version is, in my humble opinion, way cooler than the original. I know M.J. fans will disagree, and it's probably bad form to provoke them now, with the murder trial and everything...

Still - here it is, and you may have heard it before: Smooth Criminal with 2 Cellos. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jjOQac1vOEc

Now, after having watched the video, I suggest you start the song again in a different window, before reading the following pages.

Next: The main girl's finally in the house, so to speak, in the episode ROADKILL. This being the Travelogue's 100th entry, expect some other goodies as well.

98. The tale of the fictional record sleeve.

2011-10-04T07:51:00.001+02:00

As usual, all images will magically become larger if you click them.

Let's first meet our stars. A slightly customized, white hardtop 1955 Chevrolet Bel Air, imported from Miami by Jon Inge "Doc" Halvorsen from C&C Rider in my hometown. Many thanks to Jon Inge, a great sport with great taste in cars.

It may surprise regular Travelogue-readers that a nature lover like me also love cars. I don't. I hate most cars. But I love the beautiful cars. The Ferraris. The E-types. And the classic Chevys, like this one. Here's some details in black and white.

Beneath are the human stars Mimoza Hasani and Rikke Norby, on their first meeting with The Car. They seemed to like it. And if you're male, and don't see anything you like in this image, it's time to face facts. You're gay, dude.

But back to the reason why we're in this schoolyard after hours. This is the making of a record sleeve and booklet for the fictional (so far) Pia Zawa Soundtrack album, which presents music from the fictional playlist in a fictional club in a fictional town. This (fictional) 70's-styled cocktail-bar - Funky Muzak - will soon become an important part of the new Pia Zawa universe, and the record sleeve's design will have to be inspired by it's design. The car points back to a more elegant time, and is a contrast in the sauce - like a splash of Floridian citrus.

What I do now is combine the shot below, from the schoolyard, with the background from Setesdalen's Western Hills.

And then we have this.

A little splash of 70's design and graphics - and BAM! The fictional cover is a digital reality, at least.

The theme of this series of photos IS inspired by Thelma and Louise, yes. But also by Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill! Kill!, and True Romance, and Bonnie and Clyde, and Badlands, and Natural Born Killers, and almost every decent road-movie ever made, perhaps excepting Rain Man.

Time to go to sleep.

Next: The conclusion of Prologue In Urbanburg.

97. Three beauties.

2011-10-01T08:30:00.001+02:00

Just a little taste from yesterday's Pia Zawa-related photo-shoot, with Travelogue regulars Mimmi and Rikke, and a 1955 Chevrolet. More to come, soon.

And now, back to the scheduled programming.

To be continued...

96. Tits & violence.

2011-09-29T01:00:00.001+02:00

Remember those pages I told you about the other day, the ones some of you might want to read with your eyes closed?... We're there.

Okay, it's safe to look again.

95. The new Pia Zawa.

2011-09-27T18:40:00.002+02:00

Here it is then - the brand new, restarted adventures of Pia Zawa. Mostly new, that is. The prologue was published here in Norway in 2006, and is nothing for faint hearts. Some of you may want to read parts of it with your eyes closed. This first installment is quite peaceful, though...

The "painting" on the left wall of the hotel room is a negative version of the very first drawing I had in print, at age four. It's supposed to be a couple of marching police officers, and was published in the then existing local newspaper Tiden (The Time).

To be continued...

For copyright-reasons, there'll be none of the songs which old readers may remember from the former Pia Zawa stories. But I have a dream of a CD-soundtrack released with this book when it's done. If funds fail for this, there will at least be a list of recommended music in the book, and where it should be used. For the first new episode, Roadkill, there's even some original Pia Zawa music. And for the pre-publishing here on the web, we've got links...

Suggested soundtrack: Sign O'The Times with Prince.

If you'd like to see what success and artistic brilliance can do to a person's head, here's Kevin Smith's story about his week with Prince. It's funny shit.
Part 1.
Part 2.
Part 3.
Part 4.

94. Bark.

2011-09-24T15:00:00.000+02:00

Soon we're going to leave the woods for a few months, and instead focus on the urban adventures of my heroine Pia Zawa. But first I'd like to show you a restaurant I decorated in my hometown last year. The job was done under the direction of restaurant owner Åkki Lidi, based on a logo done by Rude Design. This is Bark Bar & Brasserie.

93. The pond and its creation.

2011-08-24T01:57:00.001+02:00

To be continued...

Now you've seen Suicide Pond, but it took some time before I myself knew exactly what this important location looked like. That it was shaped like a skull came early, but not how it was to be presented. Below is one of the early versions.

It doesn't feel right. Not beyondish enough, and the skull is too hard to discover. Not happy with the next solutions either, I decide to leave the comic for a spell. I think this is in 2005, the year before the first book of Beyond A Travelogue was published in Norway. I now want to do a large, stand-alone painting involving the pond. And, if the background ends up useable, I'll stuff it into the Frog-man's story as well.

Not so long after that, this appears on my sketch-pad.

A sort of baroque image of some girls diving from a cliff, and landing in a pond it would be impossible for them to reach without a hang-glider or something. Okay. Fine, but I need a story. Some depth - or I just won't bother doing the work. My brain needs something to chew on while I draw and paint. What if the nearest nymph is scared of heights? Boring. But what if it's a group suicide, where one girl tries to fight against peer pressure? My interest in the painting is now on the rise, and as a result, ideas flow more freely.

When I was twenty, I enjoyed the hospitality of my American family for six months or so, and drove all over the less inhabited parts of New York, and especially New Jersey, in an old but powerful Dodge pick-up truck. There are pretty villages and small towns, looking like sets from early Spielberg movies.

Newton, New Jersey.

But it was the large trees and forests of New Jersey which would later become the inspiration for The Neverending Forest. I've only experienced one fall over here, but that was the most insane explosion of natural colors I've ever seen. I actually planned to go back this fall with my new camera, but unfortunately I'm flat broke again. More on these forests here and here. But back to the painting--

There was a strong sense of adventure among the girls I met in New Jersey. Probably a consequence of living in such close proximity to the magical island called Manhattan. These girls don't fear a dive into the unknown. But there are always those who stay at home - who don't dare to jump. There's a sort of story here now. I make a fast color sketch on my Wacom board, based on the earlier pencil thumbnail.

To create some life in the left corner of the image, I give the main character lots of hair that moves in the breeze. With a little help from Tom Waits, the painting also have a title now: Jersey Girls.

I start working on the first jumper, then move to the rock up close. To increase the distance between foreground and background, I'm keeping this area dark. Another optical illusion at work here is an old comic strip trick. In our part of the world, where we read from left to right, things will appear faster when moving in this direction.

From Gunvald and The Stray Puppies (2007).

I also consider making the rock larger, let it fill out more of the space in the bottom right. I decide to push the decision back until the rest of the picture is done.

Now, the background calls for my attention. I start painting in a new layer, beneath the ones where the girls reside. First, I sketch in a bunch of trees, and also finish some of them. This has to become a forest - not just a patchwork of autumn colors, but a large collection of individual trees.

I jump to the pond. Paint in the left eye/island.

I'm also going to let the pond function like others of its kind, and have brooks go in and out. A small waterfall is placed, and a smaller incoming brook on its left.

For sound effects, turn on a couple of water faucets, for now realism will be turned up a notch.

If you do it right, reflection in water can have an almost magical effect. It can pull out the dept in something which at first seems flat and boring.

There are several ways to do this, but here I paint in the reflection rather softly, and then fade it out slightly with a thin layer of dark blue on top.

Then back to drawing trees. Lots and lots of trees. At first I thought steering clear of copy/paste would be a good idea, but...

Crap! How many trees do I have to paint for this thing? Hundreds? I'm not wasting time counting them, that's for sure. It's in moments like this I'm filled with gratitude to the digital gods for creating layers. While doing a time consuming painting such as this one, it's nice being able to jump between the different elements. It keeps you from getting bored, and is, in my humble opinion, the greatest advantage digital painting has on traditional techniques.

A short while later, the nearest girl has her looks.

I usually start with the face, then pick colors from it for the rest of the body. Her hair also gets a small dosage of new pixels, before I force myself back to the forest and the pond. More details, more shadows.

The island to the right emerges from the water. I want the islands to be mysterious. Scary, but still kind of alluring. Like death. The "nose," the last of the islands, gets some megalith-looking rocks.

Two of the girls have waded ashore on the last island. I paint the reflections. The splash and the rings in the water from the landing girls. And trees. Trees, until I once more overdose on cellulose.

During the following hours, I switch between the girls and the trees. I also paint in the rock in the lower right, and we're done. I could keep adding details for weeks, of course, but as it turns out, I'm not all that happy with the painting. I do like the pond though, and this ends up in the comic, while the rest remains hidden. Until now.

92. Trees and houses.

2011-08-22T02:48:00.001+02:00

For those of you waiting for Pia Zawa - here's a couple of background paintings from the new project.

91. Setting sunrise.

2011-08-16T01:55:00.001+02:00

Today - a refreshing long drink for warm august afternoons. It may already exist under some name, though. What do I know, I'm no bartender. But if it doesn't-- And, since it's almost a Tequila Sunrise, we'll call it, as the title says--

SETTING SUNRISE.

2 parts tequila of your choice.

3 parts orange juice.

4 parts Sprite or Seven Up.

Squeeze one boat of lime into the drink.

If you've got a shaker, shake. If not, stir. To be served with plenty of ice. Serving guests, not only imaginary ones or yourself, you can decorate the glasses with slices of orange, lemon or lime.

And if you don't drink alcohol, you may replace the tequila with something non-alcoholic. Which tastes like tequila.

Skål! Let me know how you liked it.

90. The forest nymph.

2011-08-14T00:04:00.004+02:00

To be continued...

As promised yesterday, here's some photos from Friday's shoot with Rikke Norby. Since yesterday's blog-heading was Fenris, I'm sure you can understand why I had to wait a day to publish these. And remember, all the pictures will magically become larger if you click them. For real.

We'll take a short break here to show you a few "behind the scenes" shots. We were two photographers present at this shoot. Or rather, one photographer and one comic book dude who likes to take pictures. You can see the photographer, Thor Birger Brobakken, at work below. The assistant is Chris Carlsen Gundersen, Rikke's boyfriend.

By the way, the real reason why we were out shooting will not be revealed yet - nor any of the pics connected to it. This is another photo manipulation project I'm working on. Kind of like Rox, but on a much larger scale, and in color. I won't say any more yet, only that it is linked to the Pia Zawa-comic, which begins its run here in a few days.

And now, back to the scheduled programming.

Until next time, be excellent to each other.

89. Fenris.

2011-08-13T04:35:00.006+02:00

There are many wolves in Norse mythology, both good and bad, and some of them have important tasks at Ragnarok - the death of the gods and the end of the world. Fenris, or Fenrir, or Fenre, is the son of the jotuns (or frost giants, as they for some reason have been named in English), Loki and Angerboda. Fenris' siblings were the Midgard Serpent and Hel, who would later give her name to Hell. I'll bet those three were the terror of their kindergarten...

Actually, Fenris grew up among the gods in Asgard. But it didn't take long before he had grown so big that even the aesir got spooked, so they decided to put a leash on him. Finding something strong enough to hold Fenris was another matter though. Finally, Odin commissioned the dark elfs, who were master blacksmiths, to make a thin, innocent looking, but super strong chain they called Gleipne. Then the gods lured Fenris out on an island in a lake, where they managed to bind the large wolf - after the war god Ty had lost a hand to Fenris' teeth. And this is were he still is.

But at Ragnarok Fenris will tear himself loose and kill and eat Odin The Allfather.

Odin's last battle.

After this, Fenris himself gets killed by Vidar, one of Odin's sons. It is said only Tor the thunder god is stronger than Vidar. Tor, by the way, dies fighting the Midgard Serpent, Fenris' brother, who also dies.

And when is this Ragnarok supposed to happen, you may ask. Well, first there's three winters of war, brother against brother, son against father. Then there's the Fimbulwinter - three years of continuing, harsh winters - before all Hel breaks loose.

Personally, I think Norse mythology has the absolute coolest doomsday predictions. Antichrist and all that is okay, but there are no giant wolves in the Revelation. Norse mythology has three, and I will get back to the others later on.

Next: In addition to the continuing comic, a bunch of pics from yesterday's photo shoot with one of my favorite models, Rikke Norby.

88. The dog.

2011-08-11T05:22:00.001+02:00

I don't think I really have to write this any more, but The Drowning is to be continued. So to speak.

Today - photos of some dogs I know.

87. The search party.

2011-08-10T01:19:00.004+02:00

Continues tomorrow.

There are many strange kinds of parties going on around the world.

Ever heard of a car washing party? You probably have, if you're an American. A tupperware party? That's more like moving a shop full of plastic into someone's living room, but still. What about the Spaniards who once a year drink themselves to courage, so they can be chased down the street by angry bulls? Or the Italians who throw oranges at each other?

Us Norwegians celebrate midsummer by burning fake witches on huge bonfires, while getting drunk and driving boats. This doesn't seem the least strange to us, of course. The day itself, the 23d of June, is named after a saint called Hans, which is what we used to call John The Baptist. I've never been able to find his connection to witches and bonfires.

But today I'm going to introduce a brand new kind of party, which I'm certain will be an international success. (I just hope it isn't already a yearly tradition in some remote New Guinean village.) This, ladies and gentlemen and you in between, is-- The search party!

To arrange a search party you need a rather large property, and a non-drinking friend. If that is in place, get a bunch of cooler bags - one for every two guests - which you fill with alcoholic beverages of the bottled and canned type. Then, you get the teetotaler to bury the coolers around the property, and the party is ready to start. Remember that you need one shovel for each guest.

You can also get a dieting friend to hide some snacks. Enjoy!

86. The drowning.

2011-08-09T15:07:00.003+02:00

To be continued...

A bomb and a massacre in my peaceful home. The world economy in serious trouble, and the U.S. former standing as the richest nation on Earth is fast becoming a fading memory. Meanwhile, I worry about good friends in London, where the riots continue after three days.

There are tsunamis, earthquakes, volcanoes boiling over, and crazy, crazy weather...

This isn't the first time I feel like an extra in a too damn realistic movie about the last days of human civilization. Let us just hope it's a boring, overlong film. Maybe with a few sequels. Or perhaps a TV-series.

But what if it's an apocalyptic story, like Mad Max or something, and our time is just the short intro before the main titles? Sometimes I think they should put valium in the drinking water.

Yeah, I know. I really ought to stop following the news.

85. The journey continues.

2011-08-08T06:12:00.003+02:00

Remember that you can click the pictures for a larger view. If you've followed me a while, you may have read the first eighteen pages already.

Next: The Drowning.

In the months to come you will get more drawings from the Ponderings-collection as well. I've also got some news which may please some of you. I have several boxes stashed with half-finished comics and concepts starring my character Pia Zawa, and have decided to do something with them. They will get published here, in between Travelogue chapters and other stuff.

84. Dante.

2011-08-07T09:04:00.007+02:00

It seems summer has passed by Norway this year. As usual, rain is pouring down outside my window. In a way, it's kind of a fitting weather, since this was the sad year terrorism reached our shores. I've cried many a tear for the murdered kids, the whole country has. Shockingly, the mad killer was one of our own. But I won't waste any more words on that fucker.

It's time to escape from this reality and warm up the Frog-man's skinny legs for a continuation of the journey from which this blog has its name. But first, since the story is heavily inspired by Dante's Divine Comedy, here's a little info.

Bust with Dante's likeness in front of Casa di Dante Alighieri in Florence, Italy.

Dante Alighieri (1265 - 1321), the greatest poet of all time*), is born in Florence in late May or early June, into a family of good name, but not much wealth.

*) I've never claimed to be objective.

He's nine years old when he meets the girl who will be his muse and true love for the rest of his life - a life which will last much longer than hers. The girl was Beatrice (Bice) Portinari. Eventually, she got married according to her family's wishes, Dante according to his. But he never writes about his wife and children, just about the wonderful Beatrice. If Dante's wife ever read his Vita Nuova (1293), she couldn't have been the jealous type. On the other hand, in 1293 Beatrice had already been dead three years. She got to be 25.

The tomb of Beatrice is in the small Florentine church Santa Margherita de' Cerchi.

After a political fight, Dante was expelled from his beloved home town of Florence, with a pending death sentence if he should chance a revisit. So for the rest of his life Dante was a rootless man. He traveled a lot, and not only in Italy. It's said he visited both Paris and London. The creation of his main work, La Commedia (The Comedy, Divina - Divine - wasn't added for a couple of centuries), was started around 1307, and finished a short time before his death in Ravenna, fourteen years later.

Next: The journey continues.

83. The atheist.

2011-07-12T20:45:00.002+02:00

82. Sleepless in New Smyrna Beach.

2011-07-11T19:24:00.000+02:00

81. Mama Earth.

2011-07-09T05:18:00.000+02:00

80. Lurking.

2011-07-08T01:48:00.004+02:00

Click to enlarge.

79. From the wolf dream.

2011-07-07T17:45:00.000+02:00

78. Skylands.

2011-07-06T21:43:00.000+02:00

Black and white version here: http://beyondatravelogue.blogspot.com/2011/03/49-no-grey-area-safari-in-sticks.html

77. Crossroads.

2011-07-05T22:11:00.000+02:00

The original black and white is here: http://beyondatravelogue.blogspot.com/2011/04/53-no-grey-area-crossroads.html

76. Remains of a dead winter.

2011-07-05T21:49:00.001+02:00

You can see the black and white original here: http://beyondatravelogue.blogspot.com/2011/05/54-ponderings.html

75. From Viborg, Denmark.

2011-07-04T06:04:00.001+02:00

74. A day at the zoo: The wolves 2.

2011-06-23T16:13:00.002+02:00

Normally, I'm not the biggest fan of zoos. There's something about animals in cages, and especially predators in cages, which depresses me. But I do love Kristiansand Zoo. Not only because I get to see animals which normally would be shot on sight around here, but because the animals seem content. Or, as content as born hunters can be without the hunt.

This has to do with the size of their habitats, and their ability to hide from human eyes. Many have visited this zoo without seeing the wolf. Or the lynx. Or the wolverine. To see them may actually require time and patience. More here: http://beyondatravelogue.blogspot.com/2010/03/30-eyes-of-tiger.html

73. A day at the zoo: The wolves 1.

2011-06-21T23:05:00.002+02:00

72. A day at the zoo: Miscellaneous 2.

2011-06-19T14:54:00.001+02:00

Heh. That rhymes.

Next: The last shots from the day at the zoo, and the main reason why I visit - the wolves.

71. A day at the zoo: Miscellaneous 1.

2011-06-17T19:48:00.002+02:00

Still, all the photos were shot at Kristiansand Dyrepark, Norway.

70. A day at the zoo: Birdie, birdie.

2011-06-16T02:57:00.002+02:00

All pictures shot at Kristiansand Zoo, Norway.

69. A day at the zoo: Close-ups.

2011-06-14T23:47:00.005+02:00

And, last but not least, a few portraits of my beautiful travel companion to the zoo, Mimoza Hasani.

The last two were taken the day after the day at the zoo, through some rose bushes.

As usual, you can click on the images for larger views.

68. A day at the zoo: The lions.

2011-06-14T06:02:00.000+02:00

All pictures shot at Kristiansand Zoo, Norway.

67. Flora.

2011-06-08T01:08:00.000+02:00

Please click the photos for larger views.

66. Animals 4.

2011-06-07T00:12:00.002+02:00

Pal.

Nani.

And we'll finish the Animals-thing with some Venetian pigeons sleeping. If it is nighttime where you are, have a good one.

65. Animals 3.

2011-06-06T16:42:00.001+02:00

Iggy.

Kevin, Shankley and Yxi.

64. Animals 2.

2011-06-05T02:46:00.002+02:00

Carmen.

63. Animals 1.

2011-06-04T21:22:00.003+02:00

Not every photo in this collection within a collection has fresh water in them. Some later images will even contain salt water. The management would appreciate it if you looked past this liberal use of a concept.

Thank you.

Taupo.

Yxi and Shankley.

62. The perch 2.

2011-06-02T16:48:00.000+02:00

61. The perch.

2011-05-31T21:19:00.001+02:00

This is from Feathers, Furs and Fins, a comic strip I tried to sell in the late eighties. The words have been slightly updated.

60. Living water.

2011-05-28T22:52:00.001+02:00

59. Wulf Greybones drinking from a brook.

2011-05-27T00:03:00.004+02:00

Concept art from the animation project Wolf's Blues.

It won't be long before the real wolves are on the first journey with their April-born pups. At route's end, the rest of the pack will meet and greet and sing with the new members.

Wolves in the wild love to sing. They sing when they're happy, sad, before a hunt, after a hunt, to mark the pack's territory, to celebrate that they just woke up, or that they're going to sleep... There's always a good reason to do some howling.

Man, I love those creatures.

Young wolves in Kristiansand Zoo. Haven't seen them in the wild. Yet.

58. The Untranslatable Creek.

2011-05-26T02:01:00.002+02:00

Usually, I attempt a translation into English of the local names, but this time dialect makes it damn near impossible. This turn in the small river is called Sådeholla, of which I at least understand "holla," which is local dialect for "the hole." The creek itself is called Kalvelstemmen or Kaldvell Stemmen, which I can't translate at all.

The Untranslatable Creek is located about half an hour's drive from my hometown...

57. White water.

2011-05-25T02:22:00.002+02:00

The last one from Hovden, Norway.

56. Spring in the brook.

2011-05-24T04:08:00.002+02:00

Sketch Risdal (Valley of Rice), Maundy Thursday 2005.

Ink Arendal, May 2011.

55. Thunderbird.

2011-05-13T23:08:00.008+02:00

Okay, you may claim that Thunderbird doesn't fit into the box "fresh water images." But it does. Those clouds are full of H2O.

What follows is the only REAL flash of lightning I've managed to shoot, in 2005.

STORM OVER TUSCANY.

While the thunder storm was directly over our house, a gecko took refuge in our kitchen. Remember you can press the images for larger views.

STILL LIFE WITH LIZARD.

GECKO ON THE WALL.

The old Etruscan town we lived in, a gem in southern Tuscany.

PITIGLIANO.

54. PONDeRINGS.

2011-05-06T07:55:00.003+02:00

You could see A Place In The Sun, the first drawing of this collection, last time. From here on, the idea is to present one or two new Ponderings-pieces in every article, and also include art and/or photos which are - at least slightly and most of the time - related to the "headliner(s)" or title(s). Which in this case are ...

REMAINS OF A DEAD WINTER.

THE FINAL JOURNEY.

I'll finish with a few shots of dogs playing, which have no relation whatsoever to the themes of the day. I just liked 'em. But I guess you could say the three Alaskan malamutes are celebrating spring, or something. Whatever. Until next time!

53. NO GREY AREA: Crossroads.

2011-04-18T01:50:00.000+02:00

This being the last installment of No Grey Area, I thought it would be a good idea to finish with a few small drawings hinting of the roads ahead. The majority of these pieces are brand new.

LURKING.

FROM THE WOLF DREAM.

THE HOMECOMING.

FJALAR THE ROOSTER.

A PLACE IN THE SUN.

52. NO GREY AREA: The Goddess of Spring.

2011-04-08T00:43:00.000+02:00

Today, I'm going to let the photos below do most of the talking. In other words, we're sidestepping the pure B&W this time. There will even be some colors! I've missed those things... The theme is the coming of spring, in a couple of my favorite local spots, and the first ones I shot a few days ago at Hove, where the main cast of Rox lives.

Please press the images for a larger view.

The last batch of photos are from this wednesday, and a forest called Bjørneboskogen. (Your browser may have done strange things with that name.) In English: The Forest Where Bears Live. But unfortunately they don't, not for a very long time. Still a nice place though.

Even though nobody in power has authorized me to do so - with this last shot I declare spring as officially sprung.

May King Winter strike me down if I'm wrong.

51. NO GREY AREA: Two towns.

2011-04-04T06:40:00.001+02:00

This week, sketches and drawings from the towns I've called home - Arendal and Oslo.

THE OLD TOWN HALL (Arendal 2006).

THE WHITE PIGEON (Oslo 2003).

GUEST HARBOR (Arendal 1999).

VIEW FROM PIA ZAWA CAFÈ (Oslo 2003).

FROM THE TOWN SQUARE (Arendal 1998.)

PARLIAMENT (Oslo 2003).

POLLEN (Arendal 2006).

50. NO GREY AREA: Pia Zawa.

2011-03-27T21:59:00.003+02:00

This being the 50th article of the Travelogue, we shall celebrate with a few images of my most well known creation, the female private investigator Pia Zawa. I've also collected a soundtrack with most of the music "played" in the Pia Zawa comic - there are a few stories I don't have.

The first melody wasn't made until late in the comic's run, in 1996, but, since it's an instrumental, you wouldn't have been able to read it anyway. I'm afraid the only audio I could find is a short sample, but you'll get the whole thing on The Beat Tornados' album Scandinavian Interlude (2004). Number four I can't find at all. All I can say is buy the mp3, or try http://www.spotify.com

1. Theme From Pia Zawa - The Beat Tornados

2. You Keep Me Hangin' On - The Supremes

3. Surfin USA - The Beach Boys
4. Hyler Meg Hes - Dumdum Boys
5. I Fought The Law - The Clash
6. Pour Some Sugar On Me - Def Leppard
7. Idyll - Dumdum Boys
8. Dead Hero - The Samples
9. Roxanne - The Police

10. I Feel Better Than James Brown - Was (Not Was)
11. The Devil Inside - Inxs
12. Desperado - The Eagles
13. Alive - Pearl Jam
14. Devil In Disguise - Elvis Presley
15. She's Leaving Home - The Beatles
16. The Night Is Calling - The Lords Of The New Church
17. Sign Of The Times - Prince
18. Smooth Criminal - Alien Ant Farm
(Or maybe you prefer Michael Jackson's original version...)

My final thoughts go to the Travelogues handful of Japanese readers. I hope you, your families, and your friends are okay.

49. NO GREY AREA: Safari in The Sticks.

2011-03-20T16:28:00.003+01:00

New Jersey has a bad rep. On film and TV, the state's always described as a polluted garbage dump, infested with gangsters. And, one must admit, in certain parts of the Garden State, its reputation rings true. But, in addition, there are areas of large, lush forests, filled with wild animals, and streams where trouts thrive.

SKYLANDS, NEW JERSEY.

In the early summer of '98, my cousin Sig - probably the best archer and hunting guide on the East Coast - took me and my niece Monica on a one day trip, with a promise of seeing bear. This was a big thing for both of us, neither having seen a bear in the wild. We got to see three.

A female black bear (Ursus americanus) with two cubs crossed the road right in front of us. It was one of those moments I can rewind in slow motion in my skull. Finally, mom turned her head and gave us one last warning stare, before the small family disappeared back into the safety of the woods.

BIG BEAR. SMALL BEAR. ANOTHER SMALL BEAR.

Black bears are not rare in these parts. Here, in the Skylands region of Northwestern Jersey, there's a growing population of at least a thousand bears. A total of 3500 black bears in the fourth smallest, and most densely populated of all the United States. Bears have been reported in every county. In fact, there are so many bears now that they had to start hunting them again last year.

In Norway, where I live, a country known for its nature and wilderness, there are around 164 brown bears (Ursus arctos, last count in 2009), and plenty of people who think that number's way too high. We're now talking about an area fourteen times larger than New Jersey, and with roughly half the human population.

Also that day, we saw flocks of deer, and rarities like wild turkey and golden eagle... All this, a little over an hour's drive from Manhattan.

48. NO GREY AREA: Night Fishing.

2011-03-13T19:39:00.002+01:00

The first attempts made by humans at drawing things they saw, at least that we know of, are the cave paintings. And, in all probability, the first time they did it in a realistic manner, somebody or something's shadow was traced on a flattish surface. The cradle of the art of drawing may have been a cave, but its first shoes were silhouettes.

NIGHT FISHING.

Some would claim that an artist just do silhouettes because he or she is to lazy to do details*). I beg to differ.

*)Very few would claim this to Frank Miller's face, though.

NIGHT FISHING II: SEA TROUT.

The limitations makes me focus on basic shapes instead of, say, drawing the perfect nostril. It enables me to control the detail freak inside - who's usually ruling around here. Enables me to remove things like stars and ripples in the ocean - reduce it all to graphic shapes as clear as possible.

NIGHT FISHING III: MUSSELS.

Sometimes, you'll continue simplifying right up to the edge of abstract. And beyond. For quick exercises in composition, it's perfect. In this particular case, the dim light of a cabin also made silhouettes a logical choice of expression.

NIGHT FISHING IV: CATCHING CRABS.

The original sketches for the drawings included here, were done during a weekend of fishing, eating and partying with good friends, back in the fall of 1999. The names of the involved are kept secret to protect the innocent. I shall not bore you with even more fishing stories than the visual ones - in fact, the whole weekend is kind of blurry, anyway. But one thing I do remember, besides there being a lot of laughing.

NIGHT FISHING V: CATCHING MORE CRABS.

There's this dude, let's call him X. He's one of us who won't admit we need glasses, and find it more convenient to bump into things. He's outside the cabin with a rifle - a '22, I think. Perhaps just a pellet-gun. And he wants to do some target practice. But, since it's nighttime, and as dark as it only gets with zero neighbors, X hangs up a lamp a few feet from the target. Then he walks away ten steps or less, turns, aims carefully, squeezes the trigger--

And shoots out the lamp.

47. The last Rox.

2011-03-07T01:59:00.002+01:00

9. PORTRAIT.

Not many tricks here. Brought an easel out to the ocean, shot a few different angles, chose a favorite, and drew in the rock. There's a bit more story to the last one.

10. MIGRATING ROX.

The clouds over the horizon contains the first snow this winter, and that's where the idea came from. It's the only image of the ten which didn't start as a thumbnail. By now, I have a rather large collection of rock-pictures, lit from various sides, so putting together the flocks of rocks is easy casting.

And that's the end of Rox. Actually, there are at least ten more ideas I haven't shot yet, but this will have to do for now.

Next week - the first installments of NO GREY AREA, a collection of black and white drawings.

46. Even more Rox.

2011-02-28T05:06:00.001+01:00

7. THE DEVIANTS.

8. THE SWARM.

Model: Almedina Sistek.

Sorry, no "making of" this week. Busy, busy, busy...

45. More Rox.

2011-02-20T21:19:00.001+01:00

4. STACKED AGAINST REALITY.

The making of Rox #4.

5. THE WORSHIP.

The making of Rox #5.

6. BLUE SHINING THROUGH.

The making of Rox #6.

Even more Rox next week.

44. Wolves and rocks.

2011-02-13T20:29:00.000+01:00

Aaaaand, we're back. Again.

I've been busy working on my animated film/computer game/book-project called Ulveblues (Wolf's Blues) the last few months - and I still am. You can follow this here: Prosjekt Ulveblues. It's in Norwegian, but heavily illustrated, so do check it out. Wolf's Blues is the story of man against nature, as seen and experienced by one Wulf Greybones.

But even though time is sparse, I have decided to keep this blog alive as well - mainly to present other stuff I do, but also to keep in touch with my English-speaking friends. First, I invite you on a tour of a small exhibition I had in December. Included are sketches and photos never seen before.

This collection of surreal collages was shown at Drømmeplassen - The Place Of Dreams - in Arendal, Norway. All images contains rocks from the area at and around Hove - not far from where the music festival by the same name is being held every summer.

The Rox-stuff was shot in the summer, but I was out there again at sunrise Saturday morning. Chilly - minus 12C (10,4F) - but beautiful.

1. AT THE END OF SUMMER GRAVITY WAS AT AN ALL TIME LOW.

The making of Rox #1.

2. THE MAZE.


The making of Rox #2.

3. THE RAINBOW ROCKS.

The making of Rox #3. Remember, you can click the images for enlargement.

More Rox next week. From now on, this page will be updated every weekend.

43. The forest monster.

2010-09-24T06:10:00.001+02:00

I love the forest. It has always been one of my favorite places to be. But during the recently deceased summer, I got chased away by a horrible beast. This monster, which is the only living thing I really hate, doesn't only eat its way through your flesh to drink your blood - as if that wasn't enough - it can also make you very sick. I even had to visit the hospital to get one of these fuckers cut out of my skull. Fire seems to be the only thing killing them.

And the ticks get larger in numbers every year. Not in size though, luckily. I saw a bad horror flick once, with giant mutated ticks, but I'm telling you - if those bastards where even slightly bigger, I'd never chill under a local tree again. I'm sorry if reading this made you itch all over. If it's any comfort, writing it had the same effect on me.

42. The rock, the rope and the Frog-man.

2010-08-19T17:52:00.000+02:00

As usual, you can click on the image for a larger view.

Those very few among you who've read the Norwegian book-version of the Frog-man's early travels have probably already noticed that the main storyline is the same. This is, like, an expanded version. A director's cut. More details, more panoramas, more maps. And also, a connection to happenings in our universe, which, because of a page-issue in the graphic novel, were postponed to a later book. Right now, we're in the beginning of the first of three books which contains the Frog-man's first journey, through the Neverending Forest, indeed to the very end of it - Dryad Woods. Number two's called The Troll Forest, and three Fort Acheron.

Come back, won't you?

41. The weather made me do it.

2010-07-29T22:01:00.010+02:00

There's a concert I'd like to go to, and a new club opening, but it rains. Tonight after dark, I was supposed to go to the shore on a photo-expedition, which has to do with the project I mentioned the other day, but, again, it rains. A lot, actually - the people who work with such things have even issued a flood-warning further east.

Think I'll stay in and put out the first piece of the next chapter in the Travelogue...

Okay, now what?

40. The first shoot.

2010-07-27T04:17:00.005+02:00

On Sunday, the first serious step was taken on a new project. And, as usual when I'm serious, I had loads of fun. This time it had a lot to do with the people I worked with, all good friends of mine - Thor Birger Brobakken, photographer and technical advisor; Mimoza Hassani, who's doing make-up and styling, and assisting everywhere else; and, of course, the model, Rikke Nordby, Miss Norway finalist. I won't go too deep into details about the project yet, but you'll get to follow its progress here on The Travelogue.

If you like to see more from the shoot, and more of Rikke, check out her blog http://diddirikke.blogg.no/. It's in Norwegian, but you can read the pictures.

39. Pia Zawa.

2010-07-24T16:25:00.007+02:00

The first issue of Pia Zawa is now out on iPhone. You'll find it in the appStore. This series will collect all the old stuff - publishing started in 1990 - and also new stories. To check out this and other releases from Oxicomics, go to oxicomics.com.

38. Rewind.

2010-07-23T15:53:00.027+02:00

And, we're back. It's hard to keep blogging when there's so much else to do, but this time I'll try to stick with it. (Yes, I've probably said this before...) Anyway, I'll show you some of the work I've done recently later, but first--

It's been almost a year since I started this thing, and we haven't gotten very far in the story. This is why I'm now giving you the rest of the chapter called The Valley Of The Rock People. Included are also the pieces already posted here, for the benefit of new readers, and because the rest of you probably have forgotten most of it. Like I said, it's been almost a year.

Enjoy.

Next: SUICIDE POND.

37. When it rains...

2010-04-29T02:10:00.002+02:00

36. The Deluge.

2010-04-28T05:23:00.005+02:00

Noah, yes. The story about him and his ark is much older than itself.

The first ones we know with certainty told the tale of the big flood was the Sumerians, since they also developed the first real writing language - along with the first city states - where current borders place southern Iraq. The story of the deluge and of Ziusudra, who was both forewarned and given the receipt for a boat by the god Enki, is full of similarities with the Noah myth.

Abraham, by the way, the ancestor of three religions, is supposed to have been raised in one of the Sumerian cities - Ur.

35. Sighing in the rain.

2010-04-24T23:39:00.004+02:00

We're celebrating that it's 3194 years (according to some sources) of the destruction of Troy - thanks to King Odyssevs' ingenuity and King Priam's love of wooden horses - with the very first comic-strip starring Wulf Greybones.

No, I cannot find the connection either.

34. Wet fur. A cover.

2010-04-19T01:33:00.004+02:00

33. The pack.

2010-04-18T00:27:00.005+02:00

It's no coincidence that this series of animal-pictures ends with one of wolves. My hard-drive is still sick, so in the time to come you'll be able to read an English version of my Norwegian comic-strip Ulveblues - Wolf's Blues.

32. Wolverine.

2010-04-17T17:43:00.005+02:00

He's the best there is at what he does, and looks nothing like Hugh Jackman. Chances are, he's never even heard of the X-men.

31. The black sheep. Or goat.

2010-03-27T03:20:00.003+01:00

One of these animals is a wolf in a cheap Halloween-costume. Guess which.

30. The eye(s) of the tiger.

2010-03-20T23:16:00.007+01:00

Even though the Siberian tiger is imprisoned, locking eyes with a beast such as this is both terrifying and fantastic. Later that day, I called a female lion over to me by making purring noises - neither things I would've tried in the wild, or without a fence between us.

Now, I'm not usually a big defender of zoos. Some of them treat the animals like it really IS a prison, with a strict policy of miscarriage of justice. I suppose they're all like Kafka's Josef K, and wonder what the fuck they've done wrong. (I'm actually banned for life from a really bad Zoo in Denmark. I'll get back to that, I'm sure.) But. There is one zoo where the larger predators at least seem to live an okay life, and that is Kristiansand Zoo. It's a question of space. Space, and places to hide from prying, human eyes. I've been here twice without seeing the wolves - four times missing the wolverines.

So, my favorite zoos are the ones where you don't always see the animals.

29. Yellow boat with yellow sky.

2010-03-14T00:56:00.003+01:00

This is from the same island as the last photo. Notice the footprints leading out to the left. They may have been left by some thieves who crossed over the ice to the next island, plundering its summer houses. Havsøy (Sea Island) is usually only accessible by boat, so I guess this is more proof of King Winter being a bad guy.

28. On ice.

2010-03-02T23:52:00.008+01:00

Ice covering the beaches and ocean outside Stølsviga, Hisøy. I fear neither name work very well in English.

The unfortunate hiatus in my blogging has to do with a sick hard-drive. I'm not a technical person, so that's all I can tell you. Oh, and there's about five years work stuck in it. Yes, I know it would've been smart to make back-up files, but I guess I'm not. Smart, that is. Instead, I eagerly await my hard-drive's return from the computer hospital, hoping it's nothing lethal.

Meanwhile, I'll show you some of the photos I'm taking these days, from a place of summer in the claws of winter. Consider this a non-commercial break in the story.

27. Predator to predator.

2010-01-14T01:47:00.003+01:00

Yes, it's meant to be this confusing.

26. The message in the bottle.

2010-01-05T19:44:00.005+01:00

25. Then there was nothing.

2009-12-21T00:57:00.007+01:00

So, the climate talks in Copenhagen was a total failure, and nobody is even acting surprised. It makes me think it was just one Hell of an expensive show for me and you - the regular world citizen - to make us believe our rulers actually care. Maybe we should have spent that money on windmills instead.

24. Grateful for nothing.

2009-12-14T00:48:00.003+01:00

Here, in the story, it's still summer. Not so outside my window, where snow is piling up. Nice Christmas-present for the kids, I guess, but torture for their parents' backs. So, these days, I'm grateful for owning neither a car nor a snow shovel.

23. On insanities.

2009-11-25T00:32:00.009+01:00

Do you know where your insanity is located? We've all got one. Some bigger than others, for sure, but we've all got one. Whatever size yours is, remember to let it out once in a while. Insanities have a tendency to grow if they're locked up for too long.

22. On bottled messages.

2009-11-13T01:50:00.011+01:00

I suppose the most expensive version of a message in a bottle is NASA's Voyager-program. In 1977 they sent two unmanned crafts into space, containing disks which presented Earth, it's inhabitants, and their culture - meant as a greeting to other lifeforms out there. Maybe one day they'll come down from the heavens and save us from ourselves.

Wait a minute. I'm sort of preaching Scientology here... Does this mean I've become a victim of some new and ingenious, remote brain-washing techniques?...

Damn you, Tom Cruise!

21. The crazy screams of seagulls.

2009-10-31T23:45:00.006+01:00

It used to be a part of the soundtrack at the shore - the crazy screams of seagulls. These days, the bird who hates eating alone has become rare in its natural habitat. If you want to see a flock of gulls these days, you go to their new habitat the garbage dump. Chances are, as an extra bonus you will also meet upon a few of the rats living there, but still...

Seagulls or not, I prefer the shore.

20. Warning: Contains bad jokes!

2009-10-28T16:33:00.008+01:00

If this made you laugh, you may very well be stoned. Or drunk. Or both. Always aiming to please, I'm gonna tell you an old joke that I'm quite sure will bring another smile to your face, at the very least. IF you're stoned. Or drunk. Or both.

"There once was this guy who stranded on a deserted island. There were no other humans there, but loads of camels, so the castaway didn't have to worry about starvation. And in the beginning, his right hand took care of his sexual needs, but after a few weeks he got tired of masturbating and decided to fuck a camel.

The animals were used to him, and he could move close to one without problems. They were tall beasts though, so he had to dig up a pile of sand behind it to stand on. This spooked the camel into running away. The dude sighed, zipped his pants, and moved towards another camel. One month later, the small island was full of sand piles, and the castaway had the bluest balls in modern history.

Then, one fine day, a skimpily clad, beautiful babe floated ashore on his island. The castaway had never been happier. Finally he had someone who could hold the camels."